La Loquita del Zig-Zag

What's a former Classicist waiting for an over-the-top outsourcing session to crackle its way toward some kind of conclusion to do? (Note I didn't write, "inexorable.") Gently--oh, so gently--spoof her favorite Latin lyric poets, that's what.

By the way: Happy Valentine's Day!

NEQUE DEUS, NEQUE MAQUINA (Neither god, nor machine)

CRUCIA ME, O NEFANDISSIME (You torture me, o vilest metal box!)
ACERVE METALLICE!

MISERA PUELLA, (Unhappy girl,
IN SELLA SEDES, (you sit in your chair,
PARVUM UMBRACULUM INTUERIS. (staring at a tiny screen.)

QUID EST HAEC RES DIABOLICA (What is this diabolical thing
OCULO TUO VITRUM ILLINERIT? (that causes your eyes to glaze over?)

NEQUE DEUS, NEQUE MACHINA (It is neither a god, nor a machine.)
EST.

POTIUS, CARA DEA, (Rather, dear goddess,
VOLUNTAS TUA (it is your will
QUAE DIEM CEPIT! (that has taken the bull by the horns--literally, that has
(seized the day!)

Mihi ignoscite, O carissimi poetae!

FOR STEELE COMMAGER 6/25/05